The Dude Don’t Feather Dust

A Georgia politician recently took considerable flack for claiming that gay marriage will lead to massive fraud. This woman believes that heterosexual friends will get “married” so one friend can access the benefits offered by the other’s job. The liberal media is howling, claiming that this is a last-ditch effort to inject fear into an issue that’s already been lost.

I’m fortunate to have health insurance because of my wife. But if I didn’t, what would be my reality? I’d pay a gazillion dollars to get the fungus on my big toenail treated, and probably ten times that to deal with a serious illness. So if my only other option for avoiding financial insolvency was to “marry” my drinking buddy, would I do it? You betcha. And not to brag, but I’d be quite the catch.  I’d probably need to attend at least one holiday office party to help maintain the façade, and I’ve now got the drinking at those events firmly under control (don’t ask).

But the more I consider this, the more I realize I’m probably the exception. What this politician is so afraid of would never happen en-masse, at least on the dude front. Why? One word: housework.

The guy with the job that offers insurance would wield all the power. And he’d use it to get his housework done. Laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, taking out the garbage and recycling – these tasks would now be delegated to the “spouse” who’s getting insured through the arrangement. Over time tension would inevitably mount. And what would finally break the deal and cause the newly enslaved guy to snap?

That’s right, the toilet. There is nothing nastier in a guy’s world then his best friend’s toilet. Single men actually fear each other’s toilets, and having a clean toilet is an unspoken reason that many single guys get married. So all it would take would be one session hacking away at a buddy’s commode with heavy-grade sandpaper for the friendship to implode.

I’m now thinking this politician is wrong. But at least she’s in step with the GOP’s drive to be wrong on pretty much everything.