I was refused service and sent home because I’m already drunk. I guess I’m too real for this Build-A-Bear Workshop.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2013
It’s illegal to burn trash, but there’s no rule against freezing it in liquid nitrogen & shattering it w/ a hammer. I’ll enjoy this loophole
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2013
“Mastodon” means “nipple teeth,” which shows just how weird and lonely archaeologists get on those long, isolated digs.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2013
My 3-year-old asked, “Why do we get out of bed?” I was going to say, “Because we have to,” but I had an existential crisis instead.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2013
I heard coke dealers make a lot of money, but I can’t get anyone to pay me more than 75 cents per can. Maybe I should sell Pepsi instead.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2013
