The only way Axe body spray will ever turn on women is if it can make a man smell like he vacuumed and washed the dishes.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 14, 2013
Instead of getting up when life knocks me down, I stay down and play dead until life stops attacking me and goes after someone else.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 14, 2013
I’m not trying to be a dick. I’m being a dick effortlessly.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 14, 2013
I sat in a circle of girls at a cookout. Within two minutes, all of them got up and left. I may be married, but I’ve still got it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 14, 2013
Don’t change anything about you. I prefer to hate you just the way you are.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 14, 2013