I’m on Week Two of my gut-reduction program at the gym. I’ve been putting in a solid 90 minutes every other day; however, half of that time is spent in the lobby reading the newspaper. Go ahead and laugh at my supposed laziness, and when you’re done consider this: the Daily Mail recently reported that a contestant on The Biggest Loser recently died. At age 38. The article said it was totally unrelated to rapid weight loss, but I’m not buying it.
Yes, slow-and-steady is key. So, these long reading breaks are essential.
Today I’m reading an article on how the US government has paid dozens of suspected Nazi war criminals millions of dollars in Social Security after forcing them to leave the US. So the House of Representatives created a bill to close the loophole that allows this to happen. That’s not surprising, but here’s the real shocker: it passed by a vote of 420-0.
That happens about as often as the Oakland Raiders win.
And this gave me an idea on how to deal with another pressing challenge in D.C: a potential government shutdown. Yes, there’s a chance that America will get another bad early-Christmas gift from Congress on December 11. But there’s a simple way to make sure this doesn’t happen:
Attach to this must-pass spending bill an amendment declaring that June 1st will henceforth be known as national Nazis Are Dickheads Day. No one in Congress will oppose something that blasts Nazis — criticizing an even greater evil is one way they compensate for their own vote to invade Iraq. So, if someone votes against a spending bill with an anti-Nazi amendment, a future primary challenger can shout “My opponent voted down a bill declaring America’s opposition to Nazis! He’s pro-Nazi!”
And there’s your spending bill, passed quickly and unanimously. Now can you see how valuable these reading breaks are? And not just for my health.
I wanted to open a gym called Gym Morrison but of course somebody who could run faster than me, beat me to it!
That’s WONDERFUL. I might even go to a gym with a name like that. Maybe.