Bad Move #456

The other day I was going through the spam in my email account. And I saw a message from someone named Married-But-Lonely. The domain on the email address was a .sm, which I’d never seen before. So I Googled it and found that it was registered to Telecom Italia San Marino. Which made total sense after I glanced down at the body of the message:

 HI TMSL2

HOOK UP WITH LOCAL HOTTIES IN YOUR AREA!!

I’d been wondering how Silvio Berlusconi was meeting his Community Service requirements for that tax-fraud conviction. Now I knew. He was doing community outreach via email.

What a chance for excitement this was. The first Step #3 on the bulleted list (1. 2. 3. 3.) encouraged me to Set Up An Alluring Encounter! Deleting the message was alluring enough.

Do you know how the universe handles dudes who actually follow through on these cheater sites? I’ll tell you.

Some guy sets up his profile using the sexiest photo he has. He adds a picture of a cigarette boat and another of a mansion that he pulls down from Google Images. Then he messages any and all women on the site, talking about his job as an investment banker. His boss at PetCo almost catches him using the computer at work, but he doesn’t get caught.

Someone responds to his message. The woman, it turns out, is a total hottie. An absolute bombshell. So they arrange a place and time to meet. The big day arrives. But when the guy walks through the door, he doesn’t see the woman from the website. He sees his wife’s sister.

Afterwards, the guy doesn’t have time to determine whether the sister-in-law was a real member on the cheater site or was acting on behalf of his wife. He’s too busy trying to convince his boss to let him sleep in the back, near the gerbil cages.

I’m pretty sure the universe only does this to a select number of guys, probably because it’s having way too much fun to show its hand.