Getting It Right Next Time

Operation American Spring descended on Washington, DC yesterday. Billed as a patriot march on the capitol, its goal was to remove and lock up the tyrants occupying Congress and The White House. The organizers pledged that tens of millions of people would show up.

Well, they got the “tens” part right. One very large group of people was seen mulling near the White House. But when asked if they were patriots supporting the cause, one guy said “Nah, we’re just here for the tour. We’re dying to meet Michelle.”

This wasn’t the first uprising America has narrowly avoided. You might remember the revolt planned for October of last year. Thousands of tractor-trailer drivers planned to circle the Beltway and squeeze the city by slowing down traffic. This one didn’t pan out either, probably due to the rain.

But this provides the perfect template for how these patriots can succeed in the future.

Remember that guy at your last job who tried to motivate you and your underpaid co-workers by talking about “Synergy”? Well, he was onto something. The truckers and the American Spring people should join forces. In the dark of night before the next uprising the truckers can quietly slip their rigs into the DC Mall area. And once they arrive, the hundred or so guys from Operation American Spring can start setting up the cardboard cut-outs that the truckers have brought. Those things are pretty light, so they could probably get 2 million “people” in place by daybreak.

And if they throw in a bunch of boom-boxes playing tape-recordings of people yelling? They’ve got themselves a genuine movement that’s Fox News ready. But here’s the real bonus of this synergistic approach — when President Obama unleashes the inevitable drone strikes, no one will get hurt.

Sometimes I wonder where these guys were during the Bush years, when Congress functioned largely the same way it does today. They must’ve been underground, organizing and planning meticulously into the wee hours of the night.