Jay-Z, Beyonce Break Silence About Elevator Fight, Antarctic Ice Melt Irreversible

Citizens of the world are now breathing a sigh of relief after Jay-Z, Beyonce, and her sister Lozenge finally broke their silence about a fight captured on a hotel elevator surveillance camera recently. Ever since the episode, public opinion has been intense but nearly split over the matter, with some siding with Jay and some siding with Beyonce’s sister.


But all parties are now on record saying that it was some kind of altercation, that all parties were to blame, and that they will all go forward from here. The fate of the earth was literally hanging in the balance since we first saw those images of the sister physically attacking the rap mogul and this had the potential to change the course of humankind for our grandchildren and their grandchildren. But now that this brave step has been taken to address this calamity, we can now breathe a long sigh of relief and look forward to better days ahead.

Also, there was also something about irreversible ice melt occurring in the Antarctic. Whatever.

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