Keystone Pipeline to Make a Comeback – With a Twist

As they promised in November 2014 when the controversial Keystone XL pipeline failed to gain Senate approval, the Republicans have revived the project with an important modification. The new conduit will not carry oil – it will transport dark money from political donors to Washington DC.

The original plan was to build an $8 billion pipeline to carry crude oil from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico. Hotly contested by environmentalists, a bill to construct the Keystone XL pipeline was defeated in the U.S. Senate.

Its successor is the Keystone $$ pipeline, that will connect rich sources of campaign donors across the country to bank accounts on Capitol Hill. The state-of-the art conduit will have the capacity to pump millions of donor dollars per minute.

Republicans are confident that they have enough votes to secure approval for the project. But they still have to overcome opposition from environmentalists.

“A serious leak could pump millions of dollars of dark cash across prime US farmland, smothering crops and doing immense damage,” said a spokesperson for the Stop the Money Line lobby group.

However, analysts are predicting an easy passage for a bill to be introduced soon, that will give the project the green light.

“Since the Republicans discovered new ways to drill for campaign funds they have opened up huge new reserves across the country. The Keystone $$ pipeline could start pumping cash in time for the Presidential election. It’s a no-brainer,” said an analyst.

Photo: Wikimedia