In quite a shock to the entertainment industry, Peter Jackson has announced that he will be directing the upcoming cinematic adaptation of J.R.R Tolkien’s Fourth Grade Theme Paper, “What I Want For Christmas” in three epic installments. Jackson, the director of both the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit trilogies, cited a desire to do something “completely different.”
Early response to the news from Tolkien fans has been overwhelmingly positive. Despite having not been released to the public, Tolkien’s journals reference the theme as his finest work and a “masterpiece.” Rumors suggest that the essay centered around his desire to obtain some sort of crossbow-type weaponry to defend against an evil race of goblins.
Upon turning it in to his instructor, Madame Shields, he felt that in her ecstasy he might realistically be excused from writing for the rest of his natural life. It was not to be, and though even at his death he regarded it as his finest work, he ultimately received a C+ on the assignment. Shields’ comments noted his “wild imagination,” with an additional admonishment that he might potentially cause some type of irreparable damage to his eyesight.
His Christmas theme’s failure is believed to be the subsequent catalyst to his highly successful literary career. Filming is set to begin in late 2019.
You know Hallmark is now eyeing you right?
Right now there are a couple dozen VP’s of Development poring over your article, trying to figure out who already owns the rights to the fourth grade assignment.