Practical space travel | HumorOutcasts

Practical space travel

April 6, 2014

You can tell alot about a person by what they take to space.

The first time I met my son, he proposed the following question to me:  “If you’re getting on a spaceship, and you have no idea where you’re going, but you can only take four things, what would they be?”


You must be thinking…wow, that’s one smart baby, but nah. My son is of the pre-baked variety. Just the way I like ’em. Out of someone else’s uterus.

Before I met him, I didn’t care for kiddos of any variety, but I was willing to give this one a shot. After all, the conversation looked promising.

I gave it a few moments of deep thought before responding, “I would take a box of wine. A cat. A flashlight, and a backup box of wine.”

Well, of course he looked at me like I was a gigantic MO-ron.

“UHHH…how ’bout FOOD, or PEOPLE, or WATER?” He was obviously unimpressed.

“Well”, I reasoned, “I could always eat the cat if worst came to worst. But in my mind, the hosting planet should be providing the food, right?”

“What? NO. You don’t even get what’s going on. You have to take stuff that makes sense.” he tells me. “What if it was a hostile planet? You don’t even have a weapon.”

Just kidding puddy

“You ever been hit on the head with a flashlight? That’s no joke.”

Sigh. “Well you HAVE to have water.”

“I once knew a guy who only drank Mountain Dew for an entire 30 years. But that’s neither here nor there. Wine is mostly water. I’m set.”

“But what if you get cold?” he asks.

“I can burn the cardboard from my wine. Or do jumping jacks.”

By now he’s annoyed, and really questioning his dad’s taste in women, as was apparent by the look he shot him.

“Fine. What about people? You need people.”

“They would just drink my wine and try to eat my cat. Besides, if I’m alone I’m guaranteed to be in good company.”

He shook his head in disappointment. “Well dad.” He gave him a prophetic, sobering look. “You can tell a lot about a person by what they take to space.”

Journey McGuire

When I'm not MMA street fighting, I'm saving kittens from sinking battleships. Writing is the only thing that matters. Besides sleeping, eating, kittens. But not eating sleeping kittens. That would be upsetting.

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9 Responses to Practical space travel

  1. April 9, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Must…have…chocolate! (Maybe chocolate wine?)

    • April 9, 2014 at 2:21 pm

      Hey, now I like the way you’re thinking!

  2. April 7, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    A pallet of wine would be one thing, right? Okay, four pallets of wine.

    • April 9, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      Why didn’t I think of that?! You’re a genius.

  3. April 7, 2014 at 2:05 am

    Hm … well, when I used to carry a Maglite in my turnout coat pocket I broke many a window with it, so it would be a good weapon … and Mountain Dew is pretty much a staple, so I’m up with that instead of wine. I think I’d make it okay.

    • April 9, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      Yep. Then you could use the empty mountain dew bottles for floatation devices if there’s water on the planet. It works.

      • April 10, 2014 at 2:01 am

        So Mountain Dew is really good for you! Just as I always claimed.

  4. Kathy Minicozzi
    April 6, 2014 at 8:23 pm

    I’m with you, except I would only take one box of wine (let it be a good red wine, please) and a supply of double chocolate chip muffins.

    • April 9, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      Hey, that’s a list I can respect.

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