I must be bored right now, because I am reading the quotes on my Shakespearean Insults coffee mug. I bought this a few years ago in The Strand bookstore, near Union Square in Manhattan. In my defense, I also bought a Shakespearean Love Quotes mug, but it’s at home right now and I can’t get at it.
The average person’s vocabulary of insults is woeful. To help remedy this situation, here are some suggestions for creative insults that could be used by people of various professions. The Bard of Avon was quite a wordsmith, and he knew how to make quite a zing with them. No, I don’t know which plays these came from. I’m reading them off a coffee mug, for Pete’s sake!
Butcher: “Mountain of mad flesh.”
Dentist: “Veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth.”
Dermatologist: “Thou art a boil, a plague sore.”
Exterminator: “Beetle-headed, flap-ear’d knave.”
Farmer: “Elvish-mark’d abortive, rooting hog.”
Fashion Designer: “The soul of this man is in his clothes.”
High School Biology Teacher: “Poisonous bunch-back’d toad.”
Neurologist: “Light of brain.”
Otolaryngologist: “Not so much brain as ear wax.”
Psychologist: “Anointed sovereign of sighs and groans.”
Schoolteacher: “O gull, o dolt, as ignorant as dirt.”
Zookeeper: “Bolting-hutch of beastliness.”
I will gladly accept any thanks for sharing these, after I finish my coffee.