The Doppelganger Effect | HumorOutcasts

The Doppelganger Effect

May 4, 2014

At some point in your life, you’ve probably been told you look like someone else. I guess there are just so many combinations nature can make before, inevitably, some people share similarities in the way they look.

In my twenties, people told me that I looked like Julia Roberts. I didn’t really, but I had big curly hair, a giant mouth, and I was skinny. That was enough for most people.

In my thirties, that all changed. I morphed from Julia Roberts into Tina Fey or Sarah Palin, depending on who you asked. When someone says, “Do you know who you look like?” I can count on the fact that it will always be one of the two. I get this comparison at least once a month.

My husband, on the other hand, gets comments on the daily about his doppelganger. Anytime we leave the house and go in public, some stranger will stop in their tracks and proclaim, “Oh my God! Has anyone ever told you that you look JUST LIKE Ben Affleck?!” My husband’s answer varies from, “Wow, no I’ve never heard that one” to “Every. Time. I. Leave. The. House.” My sister says he doesn’t look JUST LIKE him, but a woodsy version of him, to which my husband replies, “Why I gotta be woodsy?”

But the point is, his doppelganger never changes. He has never morphed from one look to another. It’s always the same observation, which I’m completely jealous of, because now my doppelganger has taken another turn. An ominous turn.

Recently I was at Home Depot and accidentally pulled out in front of a vato gentlemen who didn’t appreciate my fopaux. As he was flipping me the bird, he yelled out, “Watch where you’re going, you Temple Grandin lookin’ motherfucker!”

Temple. Grandin.

I’m sure she’s a nice lady. She’s nice to horses. She’s a fancy dresser. But c’mon vato. That’s hurtful. I went home and told my husband what happened.

“A vato at Home Depot said I looked like Temple Grandin.”

“Who’s Temple Grandin?”

“Come here, I’ll show you a picture.”

He walked over, looked, and spit his beer out. After he finished laughing, he looked me in the eye, laughed some more, then looked me in the eye again, and said these words:

“Start packing.”


Enjoy the Journey McGuire metamorphosis.


Journey McGuire

When I'm not MMA street fighting, I'm saving kittens from sinking battleships. Writing is the only thing that matters. Besides sleeping, eating, kittens. But not eating sleeping kittens. That would be upsetting.

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14 Responses to The Doppelganger Effect

  1. May 6, 2014 at 9:34 am

    Hilarious! I shared this on FB. I’ve been mistaken many times for someone somebody knew, never anyone famous, which leads me to believe I am non-descript. One time, this guy on the subway told me I looked like his long lost love from years ago when he was a serviceman in Hong Kong. I don’t know what surprised me more, that or the fact that he was a Chinese guy with a southern drawl.

    • May 6, 2014 at 11:38 am

      A Chinese guy with a southern drawl! I love that! I’ve never seen that in all my years in Texas. Must add it to my bucket list. I appreciate you sharing on FB!

  2. May 5, 2014 at 8:41 pm

    I feel your pain. When I was young, I was a dead ringer for Natalie Wood. Whenever someone said I looked like her, my response was always, “Dead or alive?” Once in a while someone would say I look like Lauren Graham. But now, now I look like myself. That’s the curse of getting older.

    • May 6, 2014 at 11:39 am

      LOL…dead or alive. That cracked me up. I can totally see the Lauren Graham thing, and she’s super hot, so good for you!

  3. May 5, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    I love that Temple Grandin is what got you upset, and not the part that immediately followed.

    I feel your pain. When I was young, I got Baryshnikov. As I got older, I became Drew Carey (before the diet).

    • May 6, 2014 at 11:41 am

      Baryshnikov and Drew Carey..two very different looking guys! That is too funny!

  4. May 5, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Your husband should walk through Home Depot telling people “Matt Damon kept trying to get into my pants.” Roll with his doppleganger, have some fun with it. You, on the other hand, should avoid Home Repo. It’s a salt lick for crazies.

    • May 5, 2014 at 11:57 am

      Yes, I agree, he should embrace that shit. Me, I may never go anywhere ever again.

  5. Kathy Minicozzi
    May 4, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    I think I look like Elizabeth Taylor, but nobody else does.

    • May 5, 2014 at 11:58 am

      Yeah but everybody else doesn’t count. Including that stupid vato!

      • Kathy Minicozzi
        May 5, 2014 at 7:08 pm

        The opinion of a stupid vato never counts. I’d go with Julia Roberts and Tina Fey.

  6. May 4, 2014 at 5:59 pm

    If it makes you feel better, I always get I look like Kitty from that 70’s show while she is in character. You are married to Ben Affleck and you have looked like Julia Roberts and Tina Fey. I say you are blessed! LOL

    • May 4, 2014 at 8:45 pm

      That’s hilarious! I can only imagine what you say to that…

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