The Jagoff Coffee Table Leg in The Dark

I was walking around in an unfamiliar hotel room and just ASSUMED that I could navigate it, in the dark without my glasses and lights.  I was wrong.

CRUNCH….outta no where I banged my pinky-toe on a coffee table leg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that my friend and fashion blogger, Alex Duffy (Duffy Dossier), despises the over use of exclamation points but, this particular moment deserves everyone of those #$#!!$  things.  If exclamation points could be CAPITALIZED, I would have done that too.  This toe-into-the-coffee-table thing hurt.

I don’t know if it was the shock of what happened or real pain, but I punched my self in the eye, ran the middle of my shin into the same coffee table and gave myself an no-anesthetic appendectomy with a plastic knife just to make the pinky-t0e pain go away.

And it’s not like I haven’t banged this same toe on a table leg or toy before.  You’d think I would learn a lesson to not navigate in a strange room without a free  Flashlight App.   I’ve banged the same toe so many times that its mangled and twisted to the point of not being able to show it in public.  People say, “Use your insurance and get it fixed.”  To that I say, it’s like that car you had in college.  When the fender and doors were bashed in, did you use the insurance money that you got, from the guy that hit you, to fix your car or to buy beer?  The same thing here… screw the toe fixing… I’d rather have beer.

But this whole story brings me to one simple question.  To Ethan Allen, IKEA, Rooms-To-Go, Thomasville and the keeper of the furniture in the back corner of Pool City behind the chlorine and the smart kids at MIT, can someone please engineer a coffee table that has “inny” table legs that are under the CENTER of the table vs. the outside edge or put pinky-toe-friendly rubber-baby-buggy-bumpers on the legs of these things, Ya Jagoffs??