The One Person You Can’t Fool


I no longer get carded in bars, which makes me feel old, so I’ve been searching for a way to appear younger. On my recent trip home I bought this book at the airport. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that it wasn’t a guide to getting acne.

But I didn’t let that spoil my trip. While I was home my Mom and I watched a bunch of the US Open tennis matches. I grew up playing tennis. My crowning achievement on the court occurred at a Father-Son doubles tournament in the early 80’s. I served a ball smack into the back of my dad’s head, sending his glasses flying into the net.

I thought of that episode as Mom and I watched some doubles matches. The highlight was the match featuring the identical-twin duo of Bob and Mike Bryan, seen here:


These guys dress identically, down to the watch. When they bounce in place, waiting on a serve, they bounce identically. They run the same way. They’re so close, in fact, that they walk to the baseline hand-in-hand like they’re little kids crossing a busy street (see example above). And they don’t lose.

Maybe our outfits were the reason Dad and I had a “hit-or-miss” track record on the court.

I’d never seen the Bryan twins before. But sitting on a barca-lounger next to Mom I acted like an expert:

“You know,” I said, glancing over at Mom, “I read somewhere that their mother still dresses them. Hence, the matching outfits.”

Mom looked with at me with a smile. I kept a straight face. I thought I had her on the hook. But then she snickered, looked back at the TV,  and said “No she doesn’t.”

Dang. Total fail. But like the Bryan twins, I’m no quitter. So I went for my backup trick.

“You know why they dress like that, don’t you? It’s so the opponents will think they’re seeing double. Totally throws off their game.”

Mom just laughed.

You can’t fool your mom. I’ve been trying for years, to no avail. It’s just not possible.

Share this Post: