THINGS LEARNED FROM WINTER OLYMPICS
It’s over, it was fun, it was interesting, the most expensive Winter Olympics ever. What did we learn?
Glad you asked. Here’s what we found out:
NO SNOW FLAKE IS EXACTLY THE SAME – That is what is cool about snowflakes. They’re all different. Some convert to Olympic rings, some do not.
THE WORD WINTER DOESN’T NECESSARILY MEAN WINTER – Can you have a winter Olympics be fifteen miles away from a sun drenched beach, with bathing suits and all? Apparently you can. Sochi, during the “Winter” Olympics was warmer than deep south Atlanta.
STRAY DOGS LIKE WINTER OLYMPICS – Sochi was full of dogs, stray dogs, roaming everywhere. Why not? They heard one of the events was the dogsled. Turns out they heard wrong.
BOB COSTAS’ EYES – We know Bob Costas does a good job of blending in no matter in what country he broadcasts. We also know Russia has a lot of red. Naturally, as a good reporter and trooper, Bob Costas’ eyes turned pink. There might not be an award for that, but there should be.
THE WEEPING BEAR – The USA beat the Russian Hockey team. Although we’ve seen a few sad bears, for instance, Smokey, after a particularly devastating forest fire, we’ve never seen one get down and bawl like the white Russian Sochi Bear. Just when you think someone couldn’t have redder eyes than Bob Costas…
CANADA LIKES THEIR HOCKEY – Let Canada celebrate their hockey medals. We’ve got to give them something. It’s not right we take the Stanley Cups for the last 19 years and most of their comedians and all of their Beibers (although everyone is trying to return him), don’t begrudge them their medal pride.
THE DUTCH SKATE FAST – This is what happens when you have a flat country covered with ice, pick up a carton of milk, wish to get home before it freezes and need to get up to 90 mph without getting a speeding ticket.
TOPLESS LEBANESE SKIER — Jackie Chamoun, a female Lebanese skier, posed topless for a fashion shoot three years ago. The recently surfaced pics caused a stir in the home country although she wasn’t as topless as the president of the host country. In support, both Lebanese men and women stripped, as a showing of solidarity. If nothing else comes out of this Olympics, the idea of stripping Lebanese makes us go hummus. Forget wet burka contests. Young people from a desert country disrobing to support a snow skier? That sails us right past Arab Spring and right into Arab Springbreak, which bodes well for world peace.
HUBETUS VON HOHENLOHE – Multilingual German skier wearing a mariachi suit skiing for Mexico. Did we mention he was 55-years-old? Need we re-mention Mexico in the winter Olympics? This guy was their only entry and, yes, he didn’t medal.
IF IT HAS AN “X” IN IT – Just stamp USA on the medals. Any kind of “eXtreme” event, there’s no need for any other country to show up. Holland can keep their tight-trouser-big-legged speed skaters. Sven and the gang can have it. If it requires baggy pants and spinning five times in the air… USA, USA, US…A!