Me: Go to bed 4-year-old: I can’t. I’m scared of dinosaurs Me: Every single one of them is dead 4: Me: 4: I’m scared of dinosaur ghosts
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 16, 2014
If you list your relationship status as “taken,” Liam Neeson will kick in your door and save you.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 15, 2014
Kim Kardashian is an inspiration to girls everywhere. She proves you can do anything if you have plastic surgery, Photoshop and a sex tape.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 15, 2014
4-year-old: What’s that? Me: A vegetable you won’t like. If you don’t tell Mom, I’ll take it from you. *eats her bacon*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 15, 2014
Raisin cookies are the subtlest way to let your children know you hate them.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 15, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 4/22/14: pic.twitter.com/aTiwe0tCPW
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) October 9, 2014