4-year-old: Daddy, sometimes I love you.
Me: What about the rest of the time?
4: I love snacks.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2014
How to change a diaper like a man:
1) Hide.
2) Wait for your wife to do it.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2014
“Hey, it’s that guy from that thing.”–my wife, for every actor in every movie
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2014
There’s a club for people who have given up on me. It’s called my family.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2014
4-year-old: *hears swearing on TV* What’s a badass?
Me: Me.
4:
Me: Just don’t tell you mom.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2014