Me: Don’t hit people.
4-year-old: But I really want to!
Welcome to adulthood, kid.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 24, 2014
[in church]
Me: *sings*
4-year-old: Shhh! Your voice makes God sad.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 24, 2014
4-year-old: Elsa from “Frozen” can turn summer to winter. What can you do?
Me: I can turn one night with your mom into a lifetime of regret
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 24, 2014
In case you wondered what kind of polite, well-mannered girls I’m raising, I had to tell my 2-year-old not to hit the dog with a lightsaber.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 24, 2014
Parenting status:
I no longer care if my kids throw temper tantrums.
I just want them to go be assholes somewhere else.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 24, 2014