Me: What’s the first thing you should do if you see a fire? 2-year-old: Don’t eat it! That’s a solid start.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 21, 2014
4-year-old: Why did Mommy marry you? Me: Because I’m awesome in every possible way. 4: Me: 4: Did she not know you very well?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 21, 2014
4-year-old: We don’t have enough dragons. Me: We don’t have any dragons. 4: Me: *searches the house for dragons*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 21, 2014
I gave my wife a high-five over a good deal on diapers. This must be what it feels like to be dead inside.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 21, 2014
Me: Your dress is very pretty. 2-year-old: You can’t wear it! Fuck. Now I have nothing for the ball.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 22, 2014
This one ran on http://t.co/HTDVyrqMm1 February 21, 2014: pic.twitter.com/eWNiCAqLrH
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) August 14, 2014