Why We Need Alcohol Sniffing Dogs | HumorOutcasts

Why We Need Alcohol Sniffing Dogs

October 9, 2014


I have a relative who is a doctor. This helps me stay healthy, but not because I receive info about proper diet and lifestyle. Nope, I hear stories about bad doctors who they struggle to get rid of at her hospital but can’t, and that gives me all the incentive I need to stay in shape.

Recently my doctor-relative told about these cool companion dogs that can sense things in people better than any human or machine can. There are dogs that know when a seizure is coming and alert the patient before it happens. There are dogs that can tell when your blood sugar is off. Apparently they do this by smell and warn you by barking.

Which gave me a great idea. We need one of these dogs to sniff for blood-alcohol content. Just picture it — some guy is sitting in a bar and the dog smells a .07 BAC. The dog remains silent. But then the guy does one more shot and leaves to drive home. Knowing that the guy is now over .08, the dog starts barking like crazy. And refuses to stop. No one can drive home with a dog going ballistic.

And we wouldn’t need to limit this to public safety. The dog could also prevent its owner from embarrassing himself. Imagine this scenario: A guy walks up to a woman in a bar, feeling confident from one-too-many Jell-O shots. He leans toward her ear and says “I lost my phone number, can I have yours?” And the dog starts howling.

We need this dog.

Thomas Sullivan

Thomas Sullivan is the author of So Much Time, So Little Change (a book of essays published by Wayman Publishing). It is available at Amazon in print and Kindle. Thomas lives in Seattle.

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6 Responses to Why We Need Alcohol Sniffing Dogs

  1. October 9, 2014 at 8:48 pm

    My dog can sense brisket from 1000 yards. Does that count for anything?

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      October 10, 2014 at 6:13 pm

      My cat can hear me opening up a bag of treats all the way from the other end of the apartment. Does that count?

      Oh wait. She’s a cat, not a dog. Never mind.

  2. October 9, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    Thomas, do you think they can make an alcohol sniffing breed? So much good this would do. Ask Bill Y. 🙂

  3. Bill Y Ledden
    October 9, 2014 at 2:03 pm

    Put a muzzle on Thirsty Dave and you can have him.

    • October 9, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Dogs like that could probably run the entire hospital security department better than most.

    • October 9, 2014 at 5:55 pm

      Oh we’d be glad to have Dave. Does he work cheap? Payment in beer?

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