A Christmas Innovation Guaranteed To Please


Christmas is a time that spurs innovation. People come up with new holiday-related ideas and then present them to the world, hoping to garner attention. At first I thought no one would top the zombie nativity scene in Ohio (pictured above). It has caught some serious traction. The BBC has reported on it. And even God himself has shown interest (note that his letter of support has no return address since it’s impossible to have one when you are everywhere.). But someone is gonna top this – namely, me.

Introducing the Yule-Be-Sorry log

Donald Trump has been on a roll, taking his Muslim bashing to a new level. He’s calling for banning Muslims from entering the U.S. He’s truly trying to turn the holiday into a heil-a-day. So, I’ve got a new Christmas invention. You can show your disapproval of The Donald’s ideas by purchasing my Yule-Be-Sorry log:


This innovative log has many astounding features. No longer do you need to dirty your hands stuffing newspaper into a sooty fireplace. You simple light the piss-yellow hair at the end and then head for the egg nog bowl. Like Trump, the log is super dense, so it will burn for hours while you keep hitting the egg nog bowl. It’s also guaranteed to completely consume itself, so there’s no messy ash to clean up afterwards. And if it occurs to you that this thing looks like a big dick, that’s no accident.

Hurry now, supplies are limited. To get your log simply visit www.heil-behomeforchristmas.com

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