Dear Sweetie, Honey, Darling, Angel, Punkin, Cutie Pie, Snuggle Bunny, Sweet Cakes, or in the case of Mrs. Eunice McCutchen of Big Butte, South Dakota, You Old Ball & Chain,
We husbands wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for all the wonderful gifts you have given us through the years for Father’s Day – like the polka dot tie, followed the next year by the striped tie, followed by that lovely reversible tie with polka dots on one side and stripes on the other. So what if the last time we wore a tie Bruce Willis still had hair. It’s the thought that counts.
We guys can never get enough of your World’s Best Dad mugs. We will be sure to store all of them away in a very special place – in the attic right next to our World’s Best Dad T-shirt, World’s Best Dad picture frame and of course, our personal favorite, our World’s Best Dad 1st place trophy. To think of the stiff competition we had to beat out to win that coveted plastic bobble head trophy.
We also all love those thoughtful handmade gift certificates you give us every other year, entitling us to things like “three mornings of not having to make the bed.” Too bad we keep forgetting to redeem them before the 48-hour expiration date.
Finally, can we tell you how much we fellows appreciated your thoughtful surprise of a Night at the Opera, to see Madame Butterfly last year? Wow! Did not see that one coming. We apologize for sleeping through the entire second act. But trust me, I think I speak for all of us dads when I say we are so glad we went to your artsy opera thingy instead of meeting up with the gang to see the Mariners game against the Yankees that ended with a walk-off grand slam in the 11th inning. Talk about a boring ending, am I right?
A quick shout out to our kids. We’d be remiss if we did not mention the incredibly creative gift you made for us this year of the four-foot tall self-portrait you made using nothing but brown paper, sea shell fragments, buttons, and molded cheddar cheese. I understand it used to have a head made of candy corn, but you apparently got hungry before finishing your priceless work of art. You’re the best.
Dear wife, we are sure you will find us the perfect gift again this year. But before you rush off to buy us another man’s leather satchel that all our co-workers will tell us is a purse, perhaps we dads can save you the effort and just ask for a new set of TaylorMade golf clubs, like we’ve been asking for since 1997.
But if that’s too expensive, dear, we would be thrilled this year just to spend a day with our whole family, taking a leisurely hike in the woods, holding hands with our lovely wife, telling her how much we love her, and later on, snuggling together, taking a nice long nap on the couch. Ah, we’re just messing with you. That’s not even remotely close to what we want for Father’s Day – although the part about a long nap on the couch sounds good – so long as you leave us alone.
Your loving husbands
PS: Oh, by the way, just curious. Have you had an opportunity to use the ThighMaster we bought you for Mother’s Day? The moment we saw the infomercial, we immediately thought of you. Hope you like it.