Innovation In Education


A central tenet of conservatism is that decisions should be made at the most local level possible. This is why, despite the vast majority of college and university presidents opposing it, Texas recently passed a law allowing concealed weapons to be carried on campuses in the state. Gun control proponents are crying foul. But this development has some valid, real-world benefits. These include:

Jethro Gets His First ‘A’!

Teachers are worried that a student who is unhappy with his grade will now confront them with a gun. They predict that this will lead to grade inflation on a level that’ll make the currency inflation under the Weimar Republic look mild. The logic here is that teachers will inflate grades to avoid taking a cap in the ass. Well, if they’re so worried about that, they could always install a bulletproof shield in their office like you see in liquor stores in sketchy neighborhoods. You don’t hear the guy selling pints of Mad Dog down on the avenue complaining.

This is also about equality – why should an angry, unbalanced kid like Jethro not get an ‘A’ just because he rarely comes to class. This bill just might put an end to the ugly but rarely discussed problem of “grade discrimination” (which always targets athletes and fraternity members.)

The Phi Delts Get Their Due!

Back when I was in college many ridiculous things happened. But the following incident took the grand prize: One night a fraternity blew through their keg. By this time all the liquor stores were closed. So a few members tried to sneak into the basement of another fraternity and steal one of their kegs. They were confronted and a fierce bro-battle erupted. Knuckles were injured and buttons were torn off of oxford shirts. The campus police were called away from Krispy Kreme to handle the situation. But with concealed-carry this would all be avoided. Jethro could simply emerge from the kitchen pointing a huge gun and say “Do you feel lucky, Delt?” Yes, somebody might die, but that could easily be addressed by passing a Stand Your Keg’s Ground law.

The Phi Delts Strike Back!

If you’re like me, you probably struggled with college-level physics. I’m pretty sure my school offered geography classes so people like me could pass the science requirement and keep paying tuition. Remember the old equation Force = Mass X Acceleration? Even that one was tough to comprehend. But now, after a witnessing shooting, a student could actually visualize this stuff: “Oh, I get it now. The bullet was small, but it was the acceleration that gave it the force needed to send Jethro’s head across the room. Got it, teach.”

In my college days “taking a shot” meant doing a Jagerbomb instead of going to that 5:00pm class on Friday, but I guess times have changed. So don’t listen to the naysayers. This bill has some serious upside to it.

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4 thoughts on “Innovation In Education”

  1. Presumably, teachers, too, will be packing concealed pistols (aka “The Motivators”).

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