Do You Want to Live to Be 1000 Years Old?

By: Abbeyfield Kent

Some scientists say that advances in cellular research and medicine could allow humans to live to be 1000 years old. While this sounds wonderful, I have some definite concerns about the consequences that might ensue:

  • More fun-filled holidays with relatives
  •  401ks that go bust before people get to die
  • Lots more AARP dues
  • Really scary senior dating sites (
  • Florida could sink into the ocean from supporting too many retired people (Wait, is that a good thing?)
  • Highway speed limits will be reduced to 35 MPH to support the older driving population
  • The Gray Panthers become our primary military force

And finally

  • Mob riots at Dunkin’ Donuts for senior discount days
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18 thoughts on “Do You Want to Live to Be 1000 Years Old?”

  1. I’ve been thinking this over, and have come to the conclusion that I will be happy living to be 1,000 if I get to have a big hunk of real New York cheesecake with strawberries on it for my 1,000th birthday, and a glass or two of Chianti. I draw the line, though, at blowing out 1,000 candles.

    1. Thanks Rena! 1000 is off my list too. 100 if I’m fit and still have a sound mind. Other than that, I’ll hope for reincarnation and come back for more fun!

  2. Living to be 1,000 is fine, but what do you do after you’ve done everything you’ve ever wanted to do and gone through your bucket list three times?

    100 is good enough for me.

  3. Having just spent a week in Florida, I see one more problem with this business of 1000 year-old snow birds. By the time they hit 80, you can’t see their heads above the steering wheel.

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