A Middle Class American was sighted in Connecticut this week, more than two years after the species was declared extinct in the state. Sociologists are hailing the find as a major discovery.
The male mammal is around 40 years of age and appears to be in good health according to eyewitnesses. He was wandering near an abandoned shopping mall foraging for cheeseburgers, his natural prey.
“We are absolutely thrilled,” said Dr. Magnus Peeper, Professor of Sociology at Dire Straits University, Stepford, CT. “We think he might have migrated from northern New York State where the species has managed to hang on in a few remote suburban communities.”
Observers report that the man was carrying a bag full of edibles, “which gives us hope that he has made a killing and can survive in the area,” said Peeper.
Sociologists are hoping that the male has a female partner, and the couple will establish a family in the state. An intense search for a female in favored habitats such as nail salons and minivans is underway.
The American Middle Class population thrived in states such as Connecticut during the last century, but suffered a sharp decline as the jobs and pay checks they lived on left the country. Much of the suburban territory where they dwelt is now wasteland, or in urban centers has been colonized by predators, a process that is commonly known as gentrification.
The location of the sighting is being kept secret over fears that the lone mammal will be captured by political bounty hunters.
Photo: Wikimedia
Damn. Hilariously premonitory.
I think the people of Greenwich might be glad about this? ooh, reverse snobbery? And I don’t know if this is related, but Connecticut has the highest number of portals to hell. That’s what the “Haunting” show says. Great post E.V.!
Figures about the portals, I mean the state must have more hedge fund managers per sq yard than any other place except the Great Gate to the Underworld (commonly known as Wall Street).
Best working definition of gentrification EVER.
Thanks, not exactly textbook!