A prominent television host needs a scary topic that has widespread appeal. A former Playboy playmate and MTV star is looking to reinvent herself as a medical expert so she can sell books and detox programs. Bring the two together and what do you get?
Yup, a measles outbreak.
Officials have confirmed that there are now 87 cases measles in the US. Thanks in part to celebrities on TV acting as medical experts, some parents are foregoing vaccinating their kids because they believe the vaccinations could lead to autism. The evidence for this link has been thoroughly debunked, despite being peer review by the cast of Eight Is Enough.
So those kids get measles. Measles is rough because it’s highly contagious. Worse, it affects your skin, which is devastating to a teen. Middle school is tough enough without having to show up looking like this:
Say goodbye to the Junior Prom.
50 of the cases have been directly linked to Disneyland. Which is good because it gives us a way to overcome the stubborn adherence to non-science among the anti-vaxxer crowd that threatens the rest of us. We don’t want berate parents or shame them (because, after all, they’re just trying to protect their kids using bogus non-science the same way I try treating a cold with a six-pack). No, we simply have Disneyland require that all visitors have all their shots.
Picture the scene: Like all American kids, little Billy desperately wants to go to Disneyland. But he can’t because Mom and Dad refuse to vaccinate him. Billy makes life an utter hell for his parents. Doesn’t clean his room, doesn’t do his homework, refuses to go to bed early for months. And finally Mom snaps. She caves to modern medicine, barking “Fine, but if you get autism it’s on your head!”
No parent can stand up to Disneyland. It’s just not possible.
Sure, unvaccinated kids will still show up. But it’s wrong to deny any kid his Disneyland experience just because his parents got their medical information from daytime TV. So we let Goofy handle it. While the kid is posing for a picture with Donald and Daffy, Goofy slips up and gives him a shot.
Fantasy science is no match for the world’s biggest fantasy land.