The Perfect Gift

Do you know someone with kids? Do you despise them more than Leo DiCaprio hates bears? Why not get them the perfect gift?

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Unicorn Bites 6/11/14

Productivity, meet Netflix. Netflix, meet- Netflix, put down that knife! Run, productivity! Run! Netflix, you killed it! Why? Oh why? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 11, 2014 Doctor: Questions? Me: How do I know if […]

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Unicorn Bites 1/14/14

It’s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your shit together, every other vegetable. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 14, 2014   Me: I’m one card away from […]

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No Actors were used in the filming of this.

I have this massively inflated opinion of myself. In my head, I’m the ruler of 17 Eastern European countries, I print my own money and am never wrong. In reality, I am only the ruler […]

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Unicorn Bites 9/28/13

Disney movies should have alternate endings that only play the 99th time a kid watches them. “Dad why did Cinderella get eaten by a raptor?” — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 28, 2013 A […]

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