Stop the Snow

I hate winter. Well, only if I have to go out in it, or pay for heating the house, or if it’s winter. Otherwise I don’t mind. Anyway, parody songs are only good if you’re familiar with the original, which in this case is “Let It Go” from Frozen. If you have kids of a certain age, you’ve not only heard it, you’re sick of it. (I’m not–but my kids are all grown up, and I’ve only seen the movie once.) If you haven’t heard it, here’s the song:

Or see the original lyrics here:

I know what you’re thinking: “Why, Mark? Why?” Good question—I don’t even find it easy. But I present you with: “Stop the Snow”.


But … I’m so cool!


The snow’s piled high almost to my thigh
It’s so cold I want to scream
No sign of spring salvation
I’m stuck in a snow globe dream

The wind howls through windows, bringing swirling snow inside
Couldn’t keep it out, plastic sheets I tried

Let the dog in, his frozen pee
Is an icicle I never want to see
My hands can’t feel—this weather blows
Thanks to the snow

Stop the snow, stop the snow
Can’t get my car unstuck
If I had enough dough
I’d move away from all this yuck
I know just what the forecasts say
Get your storm rage on
I’m stuck in my drive anyway.

It’s funny how this temperature
makes everything seem blue
And if you don’t see the misery
there’s something wrong with you.

It’s time to go and break the ice
To start the car, oh please play nice
No lights, no juice, not to be rude
I’m screwed


Stop the snow, stop the snow
Just one day when it’s warm and dry
Car won’t go in the snow
Ice falls down from tears I cry
Here I push in four foot drifts
Till my hands freeze on …

A patch of ice takes me to the ground
Underneath the snow it’s all cold, dead and brown
And one thought penetrates my frozen brain
Summer’s not so bad—I don’t mind the rain

Stop the snow, stop the snow
My car’s buried in five foot drifts
I can’t feel, my own toes
I’ll never make it to my shift
My hands are blue and my face is white
I could use a lift
But the snow plow buries and passes by.

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8 thoughts on “Stop the Snow”

  1. My last winter was in Park City Utah where it was a constant blizzard in November, which was a good thing for a ski town. One morning I came out and all I could see were the tires on my car. The snow that winter actually managed to refill the Great Salt Lake which was just down the mountain. It was worried that it would dry almost totally down. (Another case of too many people moving to a desert area with limited water resources just like Phoenix, LA, and Las Vegas.

    1. My wife told me we should visit the Great Salt Lake before it dries up completely, and a week later the weather hit and it started to fill up again. I’m not saying it’s connected, but you never know.

  2. I have no questions on weather this is good or not.
    It’s stone cold, good.

  3. Man, you live in MICHIGAN!!!!! where snow is not a force of Nature, it is a RELIGION!

    What do you expect?

    Meanwhile I am down here in Mexico for the winter where it not only can it not get me but it can’t even find me!
    Neener! Neener! Neener!
    And you can’t find me either!
    What a minute….why is my computer flashing that there has been a hack? I just had a new securit…….

    1. Hah! In weather like this, all hacker attention turns south!

      Actually, I live in Indiana–but I’m half an hour from the Michigan state line, so it doesn’t make much of a difference.

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