Fox says Leo DiCaprio was Not Raped by Bear | HumorOutcasts

Fox says Leo DiCaprio was Not Raped by Bear

December 2, 2015

Yes, he was NOT raped by a bear, FOX movies told us… twice.
In case we didn’t hear it the first time, FOX repeated it: Leo was not raped.

Fox is promoting the movie Revenant and thought it important for us to know no Leonardo DiCaprio bear raping occurred.

So, while we’re at it, let’s list all the other things that did not happen to Leonardo DiCaprio.

  1. While making the movie “Wolf of Wall Street” Leo DiCaprio did not give birth to wolf cubs. The below picture might make you think he is doing so… but it did not happen.
  2. While playing in the movie “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” the 900 # lady who played his mother did not sit on Leo while eating grapes. People think this explains certain things… but it did not happen.
  3. While acting in “Titanic” Leo’s lines were never supposed to be “I’m the Wing of the Kurled” which he blew. That remains an ugly rumor.
  4. While filming the movie “Catch Me if You Can” Leo did not get his penis caught in the giant counterfeiting printing press.
  5. While acting in the movie “Inception” Leo did not kill Christopher Nolan although he did dream of doing so.
  6. While messing around on the set of “Django Unchained” Leo did not dance a waltz with Christoph… what’s-his-name.
  7. Leo DiCaprio did not kill Santa Claus. Yes, Santa Claus is missing. But, Santa was last seen (below) drinking coffee and they think Leo was not near the coffee shop.
  8. However, Leo was photographed (below) outside Santa’s coffee shop possibly wearing a disguise but, we repeat, just like Fox Pictures will say, he may have not killed Santa Claus.
  9. Leo did not kill Santa Claus because Santa came in one Christmas eve and grabbed Leo’s Mister Bear. The theft of Mister Bear had nothing to do with Leo killing Santa Claus.

To summarize, the theft of Mister Bear did not lead to the ultimate death of Santa Claus AND Leo was not raped by a bear. You’re welcome.

Stan Silliman

Sports writer for 13 years, my Bleacher Report articles in USA Today, LA Times, Forbes, Dallas Morning News. Seven books, 6000 jokes, 860 columns written. Also very active on a website called Kwipster. I've writtens for comics and cartoonists. Samples of some of my cartoon/humor books can be seen at I'm also a comedian with regular appearances in New York, Dallas, Austin, Oklahoma City and Las Vegas. If I ever get on cruise ships, I'll let you know.

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One Response to Fox says Leo DiCaprio was Not Raped by Bear

  1. Kathy Minicozzi
    December 2, 2015 at 11:32 pm

    I am very happy for Leo Di Caprio.

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