The Wall Street bank toppled on Friday 13th, 2008, flinging debris over several blocks and causing severe damage to other buildings. But the tragedy was not caused by bad luck.
Investigators found that the bank was top-heavy with cash and inherently unstable.
“In addition to the proceeds from various tax evasion schemes, securitized investment scams, and lobbying money, executives on the top floor had just received their annual bonuses. The weight of all this cash was simply too much for the structure to bear,” states the report.
The bank started to sway alarmingly in a gusty wind, and local fire fighters tried to shore it up by affixing lengths of lumber along each wall. These efforts proved futile, however, owing to the size of the building.
The panel of experts are unanimous on the cause of the collapse: Chase The Money Bank was too big to nail.