Is Your Relationship “Fridge Compatible?”

Say you’re dating someone. Your romantic interest is funny and nice, but there’s still a chance you’re not compatible in the long run. So what do you do? Ask your friends for their opinion? Hire a relationship advisor?

Nope. You have this person open your fridge during your first date. Here’s why:

People usually fall into one of two contradictory groups regarding their refrigerator. One camp we could call the Famine Resistors. These people stuff their fridge beyond its maximum capacity. They most likely died during a famine in a past life and refuse to let that happen again. An over-bountiful fridge is a source of comfort, and they don’t mind forcing the door shut once leftovers are added. And the smell of rotting food? That’s simply a cost of ensuring comfort.

The other camp is the Line-Of-Sighters. These people need to see everything that’s in the fridge. Finding something that has died in hiding drives them nuts, almost as much as having something tumble onto their feet when they open the door. Line-Of-Sighters are convinced of the superiority of their approach, often touting their efficiency at not wasting food. Until, that is, a huge snowstorm makes them home-bound, the food is quickly consumed, and they’re rooting through a cupboard for an expired can of soup.

The other day I saw what I suspect was a Famine Resistor shopping with a Line-Of-Sighter. Slack jawed and dead-eyed, the guy pushed a stuffed cart while his wife/girlfriend piled on more items. At one point she pointed to some milk that was rbGH free (rbGH is a hormone that makes cows grow a second set of udders to double their milk production).

But the guy didn’t care about quality, just quantity. He glanced down at the cart, stared off into the distance, and then said “Whatever.” He obviously wanted to go home.

The “big” disagreements over money, in-laws, and the like flare up only occasionally. But using a fridge is a daily task. If you move in together, that shared fridge could become a daily source of terror.

So, back to that first date. If your date reels back and screams in horror when they open your fridge for the first time, you’ve got work to do if you plan on living together someday. Which is good, since not seeing eye-to-eye is actually good for relationships. Because here’s the alternative:

I have two married friends who are both Famine Resistors. You’d think being on the same page is a total blessing, but that’s not true. You should see their fridge. It’s terrifying. I’m not even going to try to describe the smell.