I usually ride my bike to work, but I haven’t so far this week. Why? My dog ate my bike helmet. No, really, he did. It was a combination of events, and usually my ten year old lab is not that destructive, but apparently since he feels better after last week’s visit to the vet, he’s decided to take revenge.
Ironically enough, we took him in because he ate something he shouldn’t have. They thought there might have been gravel in his stomach, but I think it was shards of a bone I let him keep too long, or something he dug out of the garbage or recycling.
Normally, I would just go buy another helmet, but winter is coming, so I have take my time in selecting a weather appropriate one..
Photo Credit: Pixabay
Also, as cold weather approaches, I have to come up with new reasons not to go to the gym. Like I talked about in my article about Tall Men and Small Cars, it might be time to look for a new car, something small, painful, and that gets good fuel mileage.
However, then I won’t be able to say I ride my bike 12 miles a day, although I plan to ride into the winter months as long as possible, even if I have to get studded tires. Why, you ask? Because the gym–oh the gym. It is so filled with things I don’t like.
Photo Credit: Nokian
Stationary Exercise
I like to be in shape. I like to bike, and when I can, run. I find it not only fun, but therapeutic. Stop staring. Put that down. I’m aware I’m a freak.
But I don’t want to watch TV on my bike or a treadmill. I want to go somewhere, and feel like I accomplished something. This is why commuting to meetings and work via bicycle works for me. I have a purpose, goal, and a destination.
The same satisfaction does not come from completing a “program” even if it is a simulated hill climb on a stationary device of some sort.
The Smell
There are those who find the smell of sweat intoxicating, even an aphrodisiac. I am not one of them. Especially when it is not the smell of someone you even know, but of the 36 strangers with ear buds contorting themselves in the search for skinny (which will probably keep you fat), something some of us, including me, will never fully achieve.
Even though my gym is large, the ventilation system is no match for the human musk constantly hanging in the air. Maybe if everyone did sets of Febreeze sprays between bench presses, the place would be easier to endure.
The Classes
This is where you really get in shape, after first being shamed by some tiny little blond into realizing how out of shape you really are. There are spin classes, where you ride those stationary bikes, not only not going anywhere, but staring at and smelling another group of people not going anywhere. Aerobics and “power lifting” classes are similar in nature and usually run by the same small blond or her twin.
Photo Credit: Wikipedia
It all reminds me of a call center Christmas party. Everyone jiving, sweating, and drinking, knowing you’ll come back the next day to the same place, and nothing, including your pants size, will have changed for the better.
The Pain
Oh, cycling hurts. But I am used to that pain and which muscles ache when. Adding a new workout at the gym means new soreness, and at my age and state of fitness, determining which pain reliever is the best solution.
The key, really, is finding one that won’t stop my heart or destroy my liver any more than the alcohol I consume post workout.
Let the excuses begin!
So I get my membership for free. So cost is not an issue. But everything else is fair game! Hit me with your best excuses. Why don’t you go to the gym? And, GO!
I don’t go to the gym because I don’t belong to one.
That’s a great reason. Don’t ever let yourself be tempted.
You have just captured the true meaning of a Minnesota winter. I’ve been known to singlehandedly flip my heavy duty queen -sized mattress just to avoid going to the gym you described.
That counts as exercise. I approve. I imagine Idaho winters involve some similar suffering.
I hereby certify your fitness—to write.
Thanks for that. I have been working out.