Stampgate the Next Scandal to Rock the Nation?

A major row has broken out on Capitol Hill over who should pay for the stamps on thousands of letters that Republican senators are sending out to world leaders.

The mail campaign was inspired by a recent letter signed by 47 Republicans warning Iranian leaders that the US Congress can derail a nuclear weapons deal being negotiated by the Obama Administration.

Thrilled by the success of the fiasco, a group of Republican senators now plans to send letters across the globe that threaten to undo countless agreements brokered by democratic presidents.

But the senators are furious that a letter sent to the President of Brazil that threatens to cancel a trade agreement with the country was returned undelivered. There were not enough stamps on the letter. Further investigation revealed that the stamp budget was slashed last year by the Obama
Administration as part of a round of budget cuts.

“This is a cynical ploy to interfere with the democratic process,” said Senator Bill Kill, (R-AR), who is spearheading the mail campaign “We are demanding that the president restore the stamp budget without raising taxes.”

A letter to the provincial government of Tierra del Fuego that threatens to scrap an agreement to ship a dozen Lesser Crested Emperor Penguins every year to American zoos was delayed owing to insufficient postage. The letter finally arrived after the head of Tierra del Fuego’s postal service agreed to pay for an extra stamp.

The Prime Minister of the Republic of Vanuatu never received his letter declaring that the US Senate might terminate an agreement brokered by President Andrew Jackson in 1830 to sell US Army surplus muskets, powder, and long johns to the Republic’s armed forces. It is assumed that a lack of postage is the culprit, and this has incensed the Republicans who are particularly keen to undermine arms deals signed by the Democrats.

“President Obama’s tactics to cut the stamp budget is an embarrassment to the United States, and further proof that he is unpatriotic,” said Senator Kill.

A bill to restore the stamp budget will be sent to the President’s desk soon. A sticking point is where the money to pay for the budget will come from. The letter-writing senators want to cut the Federal food stamp program to generate the funds.

“It’s the quickest way to get it done. We just have to replace the word “food” with “letter” and all the money going to a useless food program is switched to buying stamps for our letters. It’s an elegant solution, which is why the President is opposing it,” said Kill bitterly.