Talkin’ 3-D Printers



So, when it comes to technology, I am pretty much and idiot.. or maybe even a Jagoff possibly.

A description of me:

Weekend/weekday drinker of my favorite kind of beer.  My favorite kind of beer is cold/free.  I’m a work from home dad, social media hack who always has to call a “web guy” when I have a problem.  I’ve  been on a couple of podcasts (Like this one with Donna Cavanaugh) but  listen to many of them..typically something superficial and silly vs. life-changing.  I usually have to copy/paste words like “genealogy” from the Google Dictionary into documents so they are spelled correctly.  I’m a grilling addict and simply…a weenie… no techno or pop culture to preface it!

I haven’t won any awards in my adult life.  As a matter of fact, I still have a 4th grade math paper hung on my fridge because it has 5 gold stars on it.  (To be honest, the one on the fridge is a scan.  The original, like the Shroud of Turin, is kept under laminated bulletproof glass in an airtight case and stored in my fire box, along other important papers, so that nothing can happen to it.)

Given all of this, I want to try and be a better person..and do some self improvement.

I started by watching YouTube videos about high-tech stuff as part of my self improvement plan.  In a few weeks, maybe I will even watch YouTube videos of high-tech stuff while walking on a treadmill as further self improvement but I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself.

From watching all of those videos, I found something that was very cool but completely out of comfort zone (and intelligence level)….3D printers.  As a result of drinking 8 beers and watching 3,021 videos, I now feel very confident and competent to talk about them.  Sort of like the beer confidence one gets during deer hunting or bar fighting.

Here are my findings on 3D Printers:

I want a 3D printer at home.

It can take the place of my at-home-mail-scale-meter that sits next to the fax machine.  (I ain’t getting rid of the fax machine…cuz I still have 4 cases of thermal paper for that thing!)

Aaaand…if I had a 3D printer, here’s what I’d print:

  • Some of them will print human organs in the future.  Mine would print a new brain for Jagoffs, i.e. People that have no idea what their car’s turn signal is for.
  • Bacon.. thick, well-done, bacon
  • Amish clothes for high-school aged girls.  Reason? When my daughter was first born, I swore that I would become a world renowned fashion designer by the time she was in high school and assure ALL OTHER FATHERS that I would make the Amish look (covered neck to ankle) cool before she became of age.  I missed my window of opportunity but I can still help other fathers, by showing how cool it would be to print and wear clothes.. even Amish clothes.
  • Christmas tree lights…I’d print new one’s every year and chuck the old ones with the tree!
  • 25 more printers so that I can print all of the letters of the alphabet instead of just s “D’s.”

One last thing… “if I had a 3D printer….” should be the 2015 remake of the Peter, Paul and Mary song, “If I Had a Hammer.”

(If I had a 3D Printer.. I’d print in the morning.  I’d print in the evening.. all over this land)


What would YOU print on a 3D printer?



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4 thoughts on “Talkin’ 3-D Printers”

  1. I’m no mathematician but bacon probably only has five letters so five 3-D printers would probably do you?

  2. Diamonds, emeralds, pearls, rubies, stuff like that. Then I’d quit my job and write the Great American Comic Novel.

  3. Engineers from the University of Tennessee (my alma mater) in partnership with the Oak Ridge National Laboratory have used a 3-D printer to print CARS, most recently a Shelby Mustang Cobra. They used a BAAM (Big Area Additive Manufacturing) 3-D machine. That’s the printer I want.

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