The Vegetable Curse


A new study published in the journal Science has found that modern hunter-gatherer tribes operate on an egalitarian basis. In layman terms, this means that a woman doesn’t get 70% of the reward for picking the same number of berries as a man does. Shockingly, she gets an equal reward. The researchers also concluded that prior to the advent of agriculture, equality existed between the sexes because it offered a survival advantage to nomadic tribes. Men and women took equal part in the decision making.

Well, yeah. That seems obvious. If the guys were in charge and refused to stop and ask directions to the next berry patch, the tribe would starve. So, co-sex decision making was essential.

Apparently this is how we arrived at the dysfunctional, sexist, male-dominated world we have today:

Way B.C.:

Both sexes made decisions. It worked. No one invented things like a NutMart Superstore or Agent Orange.

12,000 Years Ago:

Some guy starts planting vegetables. He ends up with row after row and says “Look at me, I am such a big, important man because I have so many vegetables. Yes, my back is killing me and I hate the fact that I’ve gone from working three hours a day to ten, but look at all my vegetables! I am huge!”

Seeing this guy’s “success,” his brothers and uncles started showing up. They built homes and farms next door. And the women, overwhelmed by the number of dudes arguing over a sharpened planting stick, threw in the towel. They lost their co-decision-making power because guys didn’t need to ask directions anymore. You can’t get lost when the food-source is right there in the front yard.


This leads me to an obvious conclusion. When I was a kid I was right to hate vegetables. They are evil and largely responsible for modern suffering. Everyone should avoid them, especially women tired of living in a male-dominated world.

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4 thoughts on “The Vegetable Curse”

  1. A lot has changed since the Pleistocene Epoch, but one thing that hasn’t changed is that women still have to deal with a lot of Neanderthals. Ladies, can I get an Amen?

  2. It might also mean that when all the annoying brothers and freaky uncles started showing up, the women knew that, after the dust settled, no one was going to clean up that mess so they took to drinking. So vegetables caused alcoholism also.

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