The big news last week was President Obama’s decision to reject the Keystone XL pipeline. Various figures weighed in, including the new House Speaker Paul Ryan. In a heated news conference Ryan told reporters:
“This decision isn’t surprising, but it’s sickening. The president is rejecting tens of thousands of good paying jobs. Sure, only a handful of permanent jobs would have been created once the pipeline was built. But think about the thousands of strippers and bikini baristas and Hooters waitresses who would’ve worked in the towns near the temporary construction sites. The blood of that booty-industry loss is squarely on the president’s hands.
But what’s really sickening is watching a corporation get stopped by average citizens with piddly little concerns like oil poisoning their farm land. We have plenty of farm land!!! It’s a sad day in America when corporations, even foreign ones, don’t get what they want. Those companies pay us big bucks to deliver the goods and pretend it’s in the interest of regular people. I’m not sure I should’ve taken this job. We can barely do the budgeting around here. But I never thought we’d screw up on the bribery and corruption front. That’s the easy part of this job. So, here’s what I really think about all this.”
Ryan then reached below the podium, pulled out a 24-ounce can of Keystone Light, and chugged it in one long swallow. After tossing the empty at the reporters, he marched off the stage.
Sometimes we do the right thing — such as preventing big corporations from doing their part to destroy this planet!
Nice, Bill.
Ryan’s oil pipeline remarks can only be described as “crude.”
. . . and “unrefined.”