Time For Some Strategery

I recently read an article titled “Eyeing 2016, G.O.P Embraces Digital Strategies, but Doubts Persist.” Like all Presidential candidates, Republican ones need to generate buzz on social media and analyze data to find specific groups of voters that can be bombarded with ads. But they face a dilemma – there aren’t many people in the conservative world who do that work effectively. It takes a lot more than just generating a list of white people over age 50 and calling it good.

So, Republican candidates have to seek out talent in places like Silicon Valley. Which is tough because the Valley (and the industry in general) is filled with younger, liberal-leaning tech whizzes. They probably won’t get excited about helping to elect someone who will try to turn gay people into second-class citizens.

One company featured in the article was a firm named Targeted Victory. They ran the digital operation for Mitt Romney’s failed 2012 presidential bid. Now they’re doing the same thing for Rick Perry in his inevitable early exit from the race. The one thing this firm seems to be really good at is targeting guys with big egos who have millions of dollars to squander.

There are at least a dozen GOP candidates who will likely be running for office. But there’s only a handful of conservative companies who know that having a digital strategy means more than just telling your candidate to not flip-off reporters. There’s definitely big money for strategists to make here. But I like helping underdogs, so I’m providing a strategy absolutely free:

The U Succeed Anyway (USA!) Digital Strategy

1) Find all the people out there who are still using dial-up modems or don’t access the web at all. This group will be ignored by you competitors. Send them scary letters.

2) Create a “Beer Bucket” challenge similar to the “Ice Bucket Challenge,” which went viral. To demonstrate support for your guy, people douse themselves with a bucket of Bud Light and post a video on YouTube. This also has a nice tie in with Trickle Down, where regular folks always get soaked.

3) Film a web-series where your candidate is a plumber. He shows up at a house, botches the job, and then complains to the homeowner about how much he hates plumbing. This is a great analogy for how your candidate despises the federal government so much that he wants to run it.

4) Identify and target members of hate groups and white supremacist organizations. Advertising on their websites is very affordable. And this is a growing segment of the electorate that always gets overlooked.

I’ll admit that I’m no tech wizard. I bought my current computer in 2001. So yeah, this isn’t the greatest plan. But unlike freedom, it’s free.