Yogate

This week a legislator in Montana introduced a bill to expand that state’s indecent exposure laws. The law would now include any “nipple exposure” (male or female) and any garment that “gives the appearance or simulates a person’s buttocks, genitals, or pelvic area”. The primary target of the proposed law is the wearing of yoga pants in public.

This bill will undoubtedly get nipped in the butt. But not for the reasons you’d think. The legislator also said that tight-fitting beige clothing could be considered indecent under his proposal. And what’s one of the most common tight-fitting, beige clothing items out there?

Yup, the dreaded Haggar Action Slack. Have you ever felt these stretchy, easy-movement creations? To the touch they feel just like yoga pants. They’re basically yoga pants with belt loops and creased legs. They cling to your butt something fierce and press against your crotch like it’s being vacuum-packed for Fed-Ex shipment. They feel like a first-generation skin graft. Just for fun I tried a pair on once, and when I got them off I understood the relief a snake must feel after molting.

Yes, they’re an abomination, but they’re still quite popular with middle-aged guys.

The Montana legislature is 72% male. So this legislator’s own co-workers will revolt and shoot down his bill. Because nobody is taking away these guys’ action slacks. Not a chance.