Do These Pictures Bug You? | HumorOutcasts

Do These Pictures Bug You?

October 5, 2016

I miss summer already, and it’s still mostly summer out. Still, there’s one thing good thing about cold weather—no bugs. I’d rather have insects than winter (spiders aren’t technically insects), but yeah, they do bug me.

Earlier this summer, down in Missouri, we found this on the car windshield:


It’s a grasshopper … possibly mutated by radioactivity or fracking, because it’s bigger than the photo makes it appear. More the size of a Volkswagen bug. Maybe this view, from inside the car, will give you a better idea:


It’s monster movie giant! The bug that ate New York! Surely it got made into a 50s black and white SF thriller!

(I checked IMDB: The closest I could find was “The Deadly Mantis”—which did indeed head down to eat New York—but instead of hopping grass, it prayed. I recall it scaring the bug juice out of me on The Double Creature Feature.)

These days, I’m not at all scared of grasshoppers. On the other hand, if that thing landed on me before I saw what it was—assuming it didn’t weight me down so much I couldn’t move—I’d have rolled my car over and uprooted the nearest tree in my eagerness to run out of my own skin.

Mark R Hunter

Mark R Hunter is the author of three romantic comedies: Radio Red, Storm Chaser, and its sequel, The Notorious Ian Grant, as well as a related story collection, Storm Chaser Shorts. He also wrote a young adult adventure, The No-Campfire Girls, and a humor collection, Slightly Off the Mark. In addition, he collaborated with his wife, Emily, on the history books Images of America: Albion and Noble County, Smoky Days and Sleepless Nights: A Century or So With The Albion Fire Department, and Hoosier Hysterical. Mark’s work also appeared in the anthologies My Funny Valentine and Strange Portals: Ink Slingers’ Fantasy/Horror Anthology. For two decades Mark R Hunter has been an emergency dispatcher for the Noble County Sheriff Department. He’s served over 32 years as a volunteer for the Albion Fire Department, holding such positions as safety officer, training officer, secretary, and public information officer. He also has done public relations writing for the Noble County Relay For Life, among other organizations, and served two terms on the Albion Town Council. When asked if he has any free time, he laughs hysterically. Mark lives in Albion, Indiana, with his wife and editor Emily, a cowardly ball python named Lucius, and a loving, scary dog named Beowulf. He has two daughters and twin grandsons, and so naturally is considering writing a children’s book.

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2 Responses to Do These Pictures Bug You?

  1. October 6, 2016 at 9:42 am

    I’m with you on the bug thing and winter. But this transition time (aka “Fall”) is when the freakin’ spiders try to get in before it gets too cold. Fortunately, the cats are pretty good about catching them (or at least staring at them and chattering if the spider’s too high up on the wall so Hubs can do them in).

    • October 8, 2016 at 5:28 am

      Yeah, I’m facing that right now. Just yesterday I turned around and saw a spider trying to hide on the door jamb in the bathroom, about three inches from my face–and we don’t have cats. Luckily my high pitched scream froze it in place until I finished pounding it with a shoe for half an hour.

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