Donald Trump Plans New Reality Show: First Lady Or Bust
New York, November 7, 2016 – Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced today that, if he becomes president, he will be the first in history to host a reality show from the White House. It will be called First Lady or Bust, and will seek out a new wife for Trump.
“Melania’s hot and all, but we’ve been together more than ten years,” the candidate said in a press conference today. “I’m definitely overdue for an upgrade. Besides, it was really embarrassing when she showed up to the RNC convention in a hand-me-down speech. I’m a billionaire accepting the nomination for president and my wife shows up in a secondhand speech? How will those rich Republicans ever respect me if I don’t divorce her?”
Trump said the show will track how contestants measure up in key categories. “First, we’ll have a swimsuit competition. Then the remaining ladies will face other challenges, like diplomatic skills—can you sit and smile for an entire three-hour dinner with other heads of state and their wives? Are you good at kissing babies and pretending to care about the poor? Most importantly, can you redecorate the White House to look half as good as one of my casinos?”
Contestants may apply by visiting Trump’s website and uploading a picture from their lingerie model days, plus filling out a questionnaire. They will be asked for their age, weight, height, and how much money Mr. Trump will need to spend on plastic surgery and diet products each year to keep them in their current state.