I can’t be the only person who hates buying Mother’s Day cards. I’d like to say that I’m anxious about the stress that comes with finding one that won’t disappoint Mom on her special day, but that’s not really my problem.
I just haven’t seen a card that accurately describes my feelings. I mean I love my mom and all, but she is absolutely not an angel walking among us without wings.
And let’s be real. If she’s my best friend, why wasn’t she holding my hair back on my twenty-first birthday when my brother handed me a drink with all the alcohols in it?
There is nothing in these cards that I would actually say to my mom. Sure, I could go old-school and draw a stick figure holding out a weird looking flower on a piece of pink construction paper. The outside flap would say, Mom, You’re Awesome! But when she opens it, it would say something like:
Thanks for learning how to text so that I don’t get fired from my day job for taking your calls. And so that I don’t wither away and die from the guilt trips you leave on my voicemail when I don’t answer.
I know a few people who would write, You’re A Special Mom! on the outside flap, and then Who else could juggle so many wine bottles and being a parent at the same time? on the inside.
My kids would say:
Max: Thanks for feeding me and stuff. I’m alive because of you. Cool.
Ali: You’re always there for me and I love you, but when you open this card, inside will be a list of how you could do it better. You’re welcome.
Bella: Mom, you and I are such good friends that you never even have to say the words. I get it. I’m your favorite child.
As I struggle to express myself in an honest way that will not lead to Mom’s judgmental tsk’s on repeat in my ear every time I see her, I’d like to wish all mothers a Happy Mother’s Day. There is no greater sacrifice than having a child instead of good mental health, and no greater reward than a look, a kiss, or a “Thank you Mom. I love you.” on the days when you least expect it.