The Walking Death of Logic

I peppered him with questions about the dead.

Logical questions, I thought, as I teased my lips with a too-hot pumpkin latte.

I was friend-chatting and we were talking the hit show The Walking Dead.

Something has always nagged the back of my mind about that show.

Me: Why don’t the zombies ever get tired when they chase people?

Him: Cuz they are dead.

Me: Why don’t they feel pain, like when they get shot or run over by an SUV? Why don’t they bleed to death?

Him: Cuz they are already dead. Dummy.

Me: Okay, now I’m getting it. There’s a zombie logic operating here. So do zombies poop?

Him: What? Of course not. They are dead.

Me: Okay, okay. So why do they get hungry?

Him: What do you mean?

Me: Well, when they attack people, they eat their flesh.

Him: Ya.

Me: But why eat if they’re already dead? And if they eat, why don’t they poop it out? Where do all the human innards they gobble up go?

Him: Is this what your mind ponders all day?

Me: It’s a matter of logical. They don’t need to eat, so why attack people? Why not just enjoy all the benefits of zombie death – no job, no rent to pay, and yet they can still watch a nice sunset and read a good book?

No zombie attacks, no reason for the show. I think you should stop watching until these questions are properly answered.

My friend walked away. Doesn’t return my calls.

He’s dead to me.