13 Tips to keep your relationship shallow | HumorOutcasts

13 Tips to keep your relationship shallow

February 13, 2017

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and love is in the air. My husband and I have had a great run the past 25 years, and a lot of people ask us how we’ve been able to keep things shallow.

Photo courtesy depositphotos: used with permission, edits by author

  1. Start with a shallow foundation: We built our relationship on a slab instead of a full basement. There’s not even room for a crawl space.
  2. Focus on the physical: We met at the gym working on our body image, and we’ve never looked back.
  3. Shared value system: We love food and nothing reinforces our bond like asking the question, “What’s for dinner?”
  4. Goal Setting: For long-range goal setting we sit down with a calendar and plan menus for a month. We like to fine-tune it with wine pairings.
  5. Mutual interests: We both enjoy television and can spend hours laughing at our favorite comedies, or engrossed in the deep meaning of House of Cards.
  6. Agreement about finances: We agreed early on that status is important and buying name brands is never a debate. This has gone a long way to create consensus with the checkbook.
  7. Shallanyzing: Rather than deep analysis of each other and our problems, we tiptoe into warm shallow waters. No deep dives that could be cold and shark infested.
  8. Low expectations: Any day can be Valentine’s Day when you don’t expect anything at all.
  9. Vacations without meaning: When we have time and money on our hands we go to Disney World, the happiest place on earth.
  10. Poor memory for details: How can you hold a grudge when you can’t remember what made you mad in the first place?
  11. Low threshold for excitement: Bottle return day has us trembling with delight about how to spend our reclaimed $8.35.
  12. Comfort with silence: Instead of ‘reading into’ quiet time, we view it as a reprieve from meaningless conversation.
  13. Denial: There is nothing wrong with denial as long as you are mutually oblivious.

How do you keep your relationship shallow?

For more of my humor go HERE.

Molly Stevens

Molly Stevens is the award-winning author of the book Boomer on the Ledge, published by HumorOutcasts Press. The book is an adult picture book that explores the antics of an aging boomer. Molly believes humor is the emollient that soothes life’s rough patches and promotes these convictions in her blog: Shallow Reflections. She was the November 2017 Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop Humor Writer of the Month, and won third place in the 2017 National Society of Newspaper Columnists writing contest. She is a contributing author for These Summer Months: Stories from the Late Orphan Project, edited by Anne Born.

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10 Responses to 13 Tips to keep your relationship shallow

  1. February 14, 2017 at 3:48 am

    Jeez, I’ve being doing it all wrong!

    • February 16, 2017 at 8:11 pm

      Sorry my valuable tips came to you so late in the game, Mark. I think you could still adopt them though as long as you don’t overthink it.

      • February 17, 2017 at 3:43 am

        The problem is, overthinking it is what I do best.

  2. February 13, 2017 at 8:30 pm

    It sounds good to me. Of course, I have nothing to compare it to, since I have never married anyone, so don’t go by my opinion.

    • February 16, 2017 at 8:11 pm

      You don’t have to be married to utilize these tips, Kathy. You could use them to make any relationship more shallow.

      • February 17, 2017 at 11:59 am

        In that case, I think I have been great at shallow relationships all along. 😉

  3. Bill Spencer
    February 13, 2017 at 7:31 pm

    Sounds like you two are deeply shallow.

    • February 16, 2017 at 8:12 pm

      We drained the pool when we got together, Bill.

  4. February 13, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    Okay, we might be guilty of #3. We do love eating out. Not sure if the food is better, but it means no cooking so that in itself is romantic because my husband doesn’t want me to work to make dinner?

    • February 13, 2017 at 4:34 pm

      Why would you speak of guilt when you are recognizing the shallow side of your relationship, Donna? Instead celebrate your mutual love of food and eating out. It is the ultimate romantic evening!

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