Canadian officials were left shaking their heads at the latest Presidential Executive Order. First there was a dairy issue, then a problem with softwood lumber and now comes an import tax on a Canadian culinary institution: poutine. American trade officials, speaking on condition of anonymity, indicated the import tax would be in the amount of 20%. “We really only need 12%” said one nameless official. “Yeah” said his co-worker, “the other 8% is gravy.”
The President’s mouthpiece, Sean Spicer, in an unusual move extemporized (made up) an answer as to why the American government was moving to tax of all things a french fry, gravy and curd concoction some Quebec guy invented when he said “It’s in keeping with the President’s promise to make America grate again.”
The move immediately resulted in Russian President Putin calling President Trump to complain. “First I give you millions of dollars for your election and now you’re going to tax me to visit you?” “Easy Vlad” said President Trump. “That’s poutine not Putin. Delicacy not demigod.”
Canadian officials were quick to react to the latest Executive Order saying they were considering only allowing three guys to cross the border to work at Five Guys Burgers and Fries.
American officials hinted an Executive Order against Tim Horton’s might be in the works. The plan is for a tax on both popular French cruellers and coffee. “On the cruellers because the President can’t pronounce or spell the word” said an official. “I’ve eaten those things” said Trump, and they’re twisted, very, very twisted. That’s right, trust me on this.” Officials indicate the tax on the donut would be double what it is now. The tax on the coffee would be double-double.