With all due respects to other blondes who may not be as “blonde” as me, sometimes it’s hard to be a blonde.
Actually, I’m not even really a blonde anymore. For many years, I was naturally golden blonde; I think it was from ages two to six.
Then for a couple of years, like from age seven to 40 or so, I was kind of a mousy-dishwater-blonde (who the hell comes up with these descriptions anyway?) and that brings me up to last year (or was it last decade?)
At that point, I decided to
color, er, dye, uh, prolong my natural childhood color, which I did for another several years, until I hit 41 51 never mind last season, give or take a season or two. Who’s counting?
But now my natural color is 50 shades of grey, 49 of which are ghost white. It comes in handy at Halloween.
But I digress. Getting back to the apology:
I don’t keep up with everyone’s posts on this hilarious site as much as I’d like. But I do binge-read from time to time, and I try to make a comment when I can think of something clever to say, which isn’t often. Anyway, all the good comments are usually already taken, in which case I may write “That’s a riot!” which is sincere if not clever. (Because … blonde.)
If I’m really comment-challenged, I’ll click “like” so you know I appreciate your talent, of which I am usually envious.
You know that little box that you can check when you’ve posted a reply that says: “Notify me of follow-up comments by email?” Well, I almost always remember to click that, which is nice because then I read the funny replies from you talented writers in hopes that I will be thusly inspired the next time, for which I have added thirteen shades of grey waiting for.
But, the apology:
Even less frequently than keeping up with your posts and commenting on them, I post my own work. As soon as I hit “publish,” I quickly move on to other important tasks like flushing a stink bug down the toilet before it realizes it’s caught and puts up a stink. Or napping.
Usually a week or two after I post, I wonder, “Hmm. Did anyone read or like my article?”
Then I get busy with my to-do list which includes moving piles of junk from one side of my writing table to the other. Phew! What a relief when that’s done!
Today, inspiration hit. Or maybe it was the new purple shampoo I used? Regardless, I decided to click on one of my Humor Outcasts articles.
And what did I see?
And what did I NOT see?
Wait for it…
The little “Notify me of follow-up comments by email” box.
“Huh,” I thought for a moment, my 50 shades of grey curling in their effort to figure it out.
Then, an “ah-ha” moment: “Well, duh,” I mumbled.
The box is not there, fellow blondes, because the author usually doesn’t comment on their own article, so they don’t get a box to check, meaning that they have to take a look from time to time, letting the stink bugs rot in hell and the piles pile-up. (By the way, if I’m totally wrong here, I’ll slink away and stick to poetry. Which I don’t write, but I’ll learn.)
OK, so you’re wondering about that apology, right?
Well, you witty writers have left some pretty witty comments, and you never heard a peep from me in reply. How rude of me.
Except now you know that I’m not rude at all, just blond, whether it’s original, prolonged or a figment of my imagination.
So, I’m giving you all a collective, “I’m sorry.” And I promise to check for comments regularly from now on.
As soon as I flush that stink bug that just landed on my laptop.