Fixing the Thermostat | HumorOutcasts

Fixing the Thermostat

February 28, 2017

If experts can reverse global warming, then why can’t we jig things just enough to achieve a nice, comfortable 75 degrees across the globe?

In fact, global warming distracts from the real problem. Earth’s thermostat is broken, and has been for billions of years. That explains the yoyo-like cold and warm periods in earth’s history.

When God first created the earth, He installed a programmable thermostat and messed it up. No problem. I’ve done the same thing in my house. That 100-page manual brings me to a boil.

For God’s sake, though, leave some instructions on how to fix things. Keep in mind, the Bible only says “Let there be light”. Not a word about central heating.

This is the perfect time in history for us to establish a world temperature, just like we have a room temperature, or a rectal temperature. A terrestrial temperature.

Can we really say we have a modern earth without a properly functioning thermostat?

A nice 75 degrees sounds good to me. Sure, some people on the coasts will drown as the ice melts. We can make up for it by closing all the swimming pools in the world. Do you know how many people drown in those things every year?

We can be known as the short sleeve shirt and light dress pants everywhere planet.

This will be great for alien tourism. Imagine flying 2 light years to earth and finding your hotel under 2 miles of ice. What a waste of gas.

Fix the thermostat, scientists.


I am a graphic designer, humour writer, musician and piano teacher. And that's only during the day. At night I fight crime and hang out with my wonderful family.

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