It’s payback time, dear husband. | HumorOutcasts

It’s payback time, dear husband.

July 13, 2017

Yes, my handy hubby, someday soon you will accompany me to a place that strikes fear into the heart of many a man.  A place that can weaken the knees of the toughest guy.  A venue you’ve managed to avoid for years.

The fabric store.

When there’s a lull in our house projects and you won’t need me to hold the plywood or hand you the drill or find the dropped nail, I’ll need you to be my helper for a change.

I think I’ll make curtains.

At the fabric store, be prepared to wander among row after row of bolts upon bolts of compelling colors and patterns.  We’ll do a quick walk-through, then a thorough inspection and comparison of dozens of possibilities.  Then we’ll repeat the process to choose lining material.  You may want an extra cup of coffee that morning.

We’ll need thread, too.  Of the hundreds of colors, it may take awhile to choose just the right one. Oh, and seam tape – that has to match, as well.  I may also want some new pins, needles, and tailors chalk.  Speaking of pins and needles, wear your comfortable sneakers.

I’ll ask your opinion and expect that you’ll have one, but of course, I’m the seamstress, so you’ll have to defer to me even if you really have your doubts.  Practice saying, “I think you’re right, Dear.”

And you won’t complain when I get particular because, after all, when I’m checking your dimensions on a piece of lumber, you’ll often ask me,

“Which side of the pencil line are you measuring to?”

And I have learned to answer without a grumble.

When I am ready to sew, you will sit on the bed next to the sewing machine, holding the fabric so it doesn’t trail on the floor.  It will be a lot of fabric.  And a lot of holding.  You may want to think of some world problems that you can solve while you sit.

Don’t worry, though.  This entire curtain project won’t take too long – it’s just some straight seams after all.  Just a few hours, maybe.

NOT.  It will really take a whole weekend, including evenings.

NOT.  Since I don’t sew that much, it will take several weekends, because you and I will have to rip out some very long seams after it dawns on me that I mis-measured.  Or pinned the pieces together inside-out.  Or cut them wrong.

In which case, we’ll have to go back to the fabric store.

And I’ll want you at my side, dearest Michael, so you can experience the joy of helplessly helping on a mind-numbingly tedious but ultimately satisfying project.

Some couples make beautiful music together.  You and I make handsome and enduring and inspiring house updates together.  And now we’ll include curtains.

I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.

Karen DeBonis

Karen blogs about her wild adventures as a homebody, including writing (aka avoiding housework), meditating (aka napping), and serving a nightly smorgasbord to deer and other critters in her yard (aka gardening).  She lives in a wonderfully emptied nest in upstate New York with her husband of 34 years.

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2 Responses to It’s payback time, dear husband.

  1. July 18, 2017 at 9:57 am

    Kathy – thanks for your comment, and sorry for the delay in my reply. It just dawned on me that I’m not getting emails for follow-up comments on this site, even though I check that little box below. Anyway, I hate mall shopping, too, and I can’t even blame my mom for that. And with my kids, it was plants that they dreaded. When we were in Walmart (which I hate, too), they used to beg me not to go look at plants. LOL.

  2. July 14, 2017 at 6:32 pm


    This reminds me of the old days of Butterick or McCalls patterns, bobbins, thread, treadle sewing machines OR electric ones, time spent trying to keep seams straight and darts in the right places, etc. Of course, I would be doing all that by myself.

    I never made curtains, though, only clothes, for myself.

    As for your project, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander and what goes around comes around.

    Your shopping trip, BTW, reminds me of shopping for ANYTHING with my mother. She would drag us from store to store looking for just the right thing at the right price, and sometimes ending up going back to the store where she spotted the first possibility and buying THAT. I think that’s why I hate mall shopping, even today. LOL!

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