Kathy’s Points to Remember | HumorOutcasts

Kathy’s Points to Remember

September 14, 2017

We have had so many awful things happen lately, and sometimes it seems that the whole world has turned evil or tragic. It’s time to laugh at whatever we can laugh at, including silly things. If you can laugh, you can get a better perspective and carry on a lot easier. Here goes.

When life hands you lemons, rearrange your furniture. It won’t help, but at least you won’t be sitting on the couch in your underwear, binge-watching Law and Order and eating Häagen-Dazs vanilla chocolate strawberry truffle ice cream.

… or smoking and drinking, like this one

Actually, vanilla is the best ice cream flavor, because if you drop it onto a white blouse it won’t show.

White shirts and blouses are specially made with magnetic threads designed to attract food.

The scope of your desired knitting project will be in inverse ratio to the amount of yarn you have on hand.

Cats have a special sensor in their brains that recognizes store-bought toys and enables the cat to ignore them in favor of candy wrappers, cotton swabs, aluminum foil or the yarn dangling from your knitting project.

Dogs have a special sensor in their brains that recognizes when a human is wearing expensive pants that are hard to clean or expensive support stockings. The dog will then hump that human’s leg.

A dog or cat sleeping on a human’s bed will suddenly gain about 50 pounds when the human tries to move it to get up.

More to come at some time or other.

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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10 Responses to Kathy’s Points to Remember

  1. September 18, 2017 at 10:46 am

    So get it with the cats. Filet Mignon from Ruth Chris isn’t good enough for them but a little chunk of dirt and dust buried in the carpet is irresistible.

    • September 18, 2017 at 12:38 pm


      My cat, Harmony, loves my homemade scrunched-up-kleenex-tied-on-the-end-of-a-long-piece-of-yarn toy. She also has a catnip toy tied to a long piece of yarn. Before I tied the yarn to the toy, she wasn’t interested.

      She likes yarn in any form, but, of course, she prefers to try to play with yarn dangling from my knitting projects. I have to keep them well out of her reach!

  2. Bill Y "The Legend" Ledden
    September 16, 2017 at 5:32 am

    Well you’ve just given Jill Y food for thought. She’s right now saying that it’s the magnetic threads in her white blouses that attract the food rather than her that attracts it and she’s citing you.

    • September 16, 2017 at 1:17 pm

      Well, I always thought I would become famous for my singing. Instead, I am becoming famous as a purveyor of false information.

      I kind of like that, actually! 😉 😀

  3. Cathy Sikorski
    September 14, 2017 at 11:42 am

    You seem to have your finger on the pulse of what’s happening. If only I could remember what you said when I’m dipping into that Ben & Jerry’s!!

    • September 14, 2017 at 3:43 pm

      If it’s a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s vanilla frozen yogurt, you may eat away, with my blessing. 😉

  4. Bill Spencer
    September 14, 2017 at 7:43 am

    Cats and dogs are reigning.

    • September 14, 2017 at 3:41 pm

      “Cats rule and dogs drool.”
      Sassy, the cat in “Homeward Bound.”

  5. September 14, 2017 at 6:03 am

    OK, not bad. Kind of in the vein of Jenny Lawson. I will spend some more time perusin’ about here.

  6. September 14, 2017 at 3:30 am

    HA! I like it 🙂

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