Resume writer’s block | HumorOutcasts

Resume writer’s block

March 13, 2017

I just celebrated my one year anniversary with a new job. It brought back memories from last year when I was facing unemployment and trying to update my resume. Of course I wrote about it.

Despite an abundance of ‘blogs in progress,’ I am experiencing a bad case of writer’s block. Let me explain.

Photo courtesy depositphotos/used with permission

Everyone in our office is being downsizedright sizedrestructuredlaid off fired.

I thought I could retire. Then the stock market took a dive, and we had a ‘come to Jesus moment’ with our financial advisor. She shook her head, gave me an encouraging pat on the back, and suggested I update my resume.

And now I have resume writer’s block.

My soon to be ex-employer has been kind enough to offer some job transition training, and I’m shocked at the progress resume writing has made over the years. Who knew you practically need a master’s degree to properly summarize your experience and qualifications? And apparently writing the cover letter requires a certificate of advanced study.

I updated my resume six years ago when I hustled my current job, which I declared would be my last. I located the outdated document on a dusty thumb drive. I wanted to give it the finger.

Sensing a mountain of resistance, I decided that today was the day for me to squeeze my assets onto a single page, using action words and a clean format.

I left work early so I could come home and have some quiet time to analyze my motivators, core talents, and aptitudes. Once I’ve done this, I know the words will flow, and I will compile a masterpiece that will land a dream job.

I started to drive home, but realized we were almost out of toilet paper. I went to Walmart, Target and finally landed the best buy per square at Sam’s Club.

Next I called Patrick, and we shared a bacon club sandwich at the Harvest Moon Deli for lunch. I can’t really concentrate when I’m hungry.

After lunch, thoughts of financial uncertainty prompted a trip to the library to borrow books instead of buying them. I only got lost a couple of times as I meandered through the stacks from humor to history.

There were so many books I wanted, but I feared I’d pay more in library fines than I’d save, so I settled on only two. When I was checking out, I learned the library will close for several weeks due to renovations, creating liberal due dates. So I trudged back into the stacks, and wobbled out under the weight of a dozen books.

The first one I’m going to read is “The Secret.” Since I haven’t updated my resume, I’ll be depending on a positive attitude and the laws of attraction for my future wealth.

Here are a few other titles I’ll be diving into:

  • 101 Things to Do With Ramen Noodles
  • How to Cut and Color Your Own Hair
  • Home Remedies and Natural Cures for the Uninsured
  • Wine Making for Dummies
  • Cheapskate Living and Loving It
  • The Unemployment Survival Guide
  • Nature’s Garden: A Guide to Identifying, Harvesting and Preparing Edible Wild Food
  • The Joy of Not Working

I’m feeling pretty confident with my arsenal of books, and the luxury of time to read them.

Have you faced an unexpected job loss? How did you manage to write your resume? Would you be willing to write mine for a wild mushroom ramen noodle casserole, and a bottle of homemade wine?

For more of my humor go HERE.

Molly Stevens

Molly Stevens blogs at where she shares lighthearted writings about things that (mostly) don’t matter. She writes about a variety of topics, from her love affair with white potatoes, to why she saves user manuals. She tries to appeal to all ages, but since she looks through eyes that are 60 plus years old, her viewpoint is naturally clouded….by budding cataracts. She races to keep up with her younger husband, her son, daughter-in-law and two perfect grandsons. She pays the bills by working as a registered nurse, but fantasizes about a second career as a writer.

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8 Responses to Resume writer’s block

  1. March 15, 2017 at 1:33 am

    It’s been many years since I had to write a resume, but from a pain in the butt standpoint it sounds a lot like writing a novel synopsis.

    • March 15, 2017 at 6:00 am

      It is horrible, Mark. And so many nuances now. You actually have to write a separate resume for each job application to be sure you are putting the right spin on it to attract interest. I’m glad I’m at the stage of my career where I will NEVER do it again.

  2. March 14, 2017 at 11:54 am

    I think you have a book in you, Molly. “The Procrastinator’s Guide to Happiness.” I would buy that book!

    • March 15, 2017 at 5:59 am

      What a great title, Cathy! I’m going to start writing it. Later.

  3. March 14, 2017 at 10:48 am

    I can’t believe it’s been a year already that you’ve been at your “new” job! Mazel tov (auto-correct wants that to read “mazel gov”). Either way, congrats!

    • March 15, 2017 at 5:58 am

      I know. I can’t believe it either, Roxanne. In some ways it seems like forever and others ways it passed like the blink of an eye.

  4. March 13, 2017 at 12:53 pm

    I think you can make a million on these books and not have to worry where to get your toilet paper. You could even get quadruple ply if you want!

    • March 13, 2017 at 7:38 pm

      Okay, Donna. I take it Humor Outcasts would like to be my publisher?

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