SPARKS BRIEF: Dressing for Disaster

Washington, DC – First Lady, Melania Trump, has just announced, during an impromptu press conference from the East Wing, she is releasing a fashion line for victims of natural disasters.

The Melania Mayhem collection is designed for fashionably forward survivors of hurricanes, floods and earthquakes.

“Wherever I go, I always want to look best,” the First Lady said.

During her visit after Hurricane Harvey, Melania sported tight cropped slacks and 6-inch stiletto heels to flood ravaged Texas.

Although she received harsh comments from critics, Melania says she knows fashion better than anyone.

“I know how to dress better for any natural disaster. I live tragedy every day and look at me. I’m supermodel,” Melania stated.

The collection will kick-off with a pair of black stiletto shoes with expandable heels and attaching platforms.

“Louboutin design shoes that will look fabulous and will make fashion woman able to walk through flood waters.  Not good to be on catwalk with toxic muddy heels.” Melania told the three press members in attendance.

According to the White House Social Secretary, The Walk on Water heels will be followed by Dolce & Gabbana rubber-lined pencil skirts and water-proof safari jackets.

“Women should look stunning even after losing their penthouses. They must be ready for photographs when fake news come to do the interviews. I see this Andy Cooperson and man/woman Ralphie Maddow talk to victims who look like much mess.” Melania said.

“I ask Gucci to make a special pair of extra dark sunglass to blackout all the tears, pain, and suffering. Then they will make something for my collection.”

White House Press Secretary for the First Lady, reported Melania was advised to send cases of jeans and sweat shirts provided by Walmart to devastated Puerto Rico.

“What is this Mart with the Walls? No one will shop there to fill up void from after Category 5 disaster. You must buy from 5th Ave. to fill up emptiness. As the real First Lady, I make final decision. It be rule of Demand and Supply – I demand it and I will supply it,”

Melania toured a warehouse stocked with clothing donated to help the victims of Hurricanes Harvey and Irma. She told reporters the fabric was inferior and insulted her sense of style.

“If we send the clothes to Puerto Rico, the people they look terrible and FEMUR not getting A+,” she said

A reporter from MSNBC questioned the First Lady about why she was refusing to send needed supplies.

“They will buy Melania Mayhem when Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom reopen,” she said. “This Wall of Marts stuff not good, might as well throw them paper towel to wear.”

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